Sarcasm

Lord, I've been wanting to tell you two things. Thank you and sorry. Thank you, for being just by my side when I needed you most. For giving me a lot of true friends to count on. For giving me reasons to smile despite the situation I am in. For letting me able to forgive. For the strength, for the guidance, for the answered prayers and for all that I should be thankful for. Thank you for making things easier. It's been a way too hard to accept things, to accept the reality that things changed and so as people. You know how I tried not to change, to just stay the same. But Lord, I've been giving all of me, all I can give, and that I almost forgot to leave a piece for myself. I never wanted to change, never. 

I don't know po if this is way better than before.  But thank you because we're fine. We're good. It's just that I don't know if I would be able to trust that much again. Help me regain the trust I lost for him. I don't know if I could still. He might not demand for trust anyway. You know how I am as a bestfriend to him. You know Lord every bit of me that I gave up just for my bestfriend. You know how hard I went through to accept every word people have to say about me. That I'm stupid. And all negative things I have to take. Yes, I am, in a way. I was, rather. They said I was so stupid for giving all of me and for forgiving all the time. Because I care for my bestfriend. I care too much. Isn't it enough reason to make them realize why I always forgive? 

But y'know, sometimes you just have to surrender. Sometimes you just get tired of being left all the time. Being left over and over again. I could take that, even for a million times. But my heart cannot. My heart says she's too damn tired. And she needs a full rest.

Sorry. Sorry Lord for breaking my promise that I would have the longest patience in the world. Sorry for giving up. Sorry if I can't be what I was before. Sorry if his bestfriend changed. Sorry if I changed, because he was the first one to be. Sorry if I won't be the same anymore. :| I never want to. 

He would be my forever bestfriend. You know that. That's a promise I would never ever break. I couldn't take to know that he'll be in danger, so please, save him. Whatever it is that he is going through, give him strength. And please tell him I'm just on his side. Even we feel like we're physically and emotionally miles away.

I would never stop asking you to guide him all the time. To remind him all the do's and don'ts. To be a good man. To make him realize that there a lots of people who value his presence, and that I would always be one of them.

If you think I'm lying, you're wrong. But in some ways, what you think could be right. I still care. I still care for that one person who doesn't. I still care for my bestfriend. I just want to appear like I don't. I'm saving a little for myself. I'm shielding myself in case I would be left again.

Lord, kindly go directly through my heart, you'll know what more it has to say. One more thing, please do heal whatever has been broken.